May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
