Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
