End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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