I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
