youre lurking in front of me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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