maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
