i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
