Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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