4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
