My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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