y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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