does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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