and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
