my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
