He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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