I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
