I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
