You're my little dorito
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
