i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
