oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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