i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
