Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize