exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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