We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
