Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
