just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
