i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
