she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
