Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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