I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
