I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
