I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
