just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
