somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
