i just wanna soil my oats bro
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
