I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize