too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
