you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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