Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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