omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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