Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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