That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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