not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
