kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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