it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
