what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
