Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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