if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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