they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
