uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
