Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
