Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
