I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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