This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
