Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
