i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
