thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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