Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
