After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Too much gin, very little bucket
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The Olympian is in my bed
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
