And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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