I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
