If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
