FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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