So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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