My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
