I forgot how hot balto sounded
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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