help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
