her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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