so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I would fuck him just for his dog
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
