Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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