All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
