I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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