its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You smell like stripper and shame
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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