When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dear god my vagina.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
